No one goes there like him Nikki Glaser.
While the comedian made big headlines in May 2024 with his popular song Roast of Tom Bradywhich was broadcast live on Netflix, it certainly wasn’t the first time that big names came to Hollywood. Glaser has also powered Comedy Central roasts Rob Lowe, Bruce Willis again Alec Baldwin. Since then he has been given information on how to prepare for big events, revealing that he does his jokes on regular sets weeks before filming.
Glaser is taking a similar approach for the 2025 Golden Globes, which he will host on January 5.
“I’m thinking about nine shows between now and Sunday, because I want to keep exploring the comedy and I want to keep finding the monologue [most] the best place to be,” Glaser told The Hollywood Reporter days before the event. “Not every presenter does that. I’m lucky enough to be a comedian who can get these rehearsals in front of a live audience, and I hope my audience doesn’t leak jokes or tell anyone. And we have enough humor that even if he does, I’ll be ready.”
From Brady to Cybill Shepherd to Joseph Gordon-Levittread on for some of Glaser’s most brutal jokes over the years:
A gem
“Jewel is here, as I call him, Trailer Swift. Jewel, I don’t want to talk bad because God has already done it. … Your teeth are like the Spice Girls, they’re different colors and they do their own thing.” (Roasting by Rob Lowe)
Peyton Manning
“I love you in commercials. I would say you are the greatest. He’s like the Tom Brady of commercials. Like, so big. ” (Roasting by Rob Lowe)
Rob Lowe
“Rob defies age … limitations. God, I loved you so much when I was a little girl. If I knew that’s when I got my best shot.” (Roasting by Rob Lowe)
Martha Stewart
“Martha Stewart, congratulations on being here. … I’m a big fan and my mom is an even bigger fan. My mother learned everything from Martha Stewart, including cooking, cleaning and withholding love.” (Bruce Willis Cooking)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
“He’s very beautiful, he’s lovely. I bet you eat it, but first you cut the crust. Isn’t that his look? Speaking of crusty p—-y, I’ll get to you in a second, Cybill.” (Bruce Willis Cooking)
Cybill Shepherd
“Cybill is beautiful. I feel honored to meet him. Her resume is insane – model, actress, singer, you name it. You f—ed it.” (Bruce Willis Cooking)
Bruce Willis
“Your daughters should be proud of their father … Ashton Kutcher.” (Bruce Willis Cooking)
Caitlyn Jenner
“He is an unbelievable athlete. People forget how far you ran…from your first family to the reality show. Honestly, I know being a new mom is hard, but even Casey Anthony knows where her daughter is now.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Blake Griffin
“Blake, you look like a Black man made by a printer running out of ink. Yes. Chris Redd is here because Comedy Central wasn’t sure if Blake was black or not.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Alec Baldwin
“Alec Baldwin, what a privilege to be here roasting the old, fat uncle of Justin Bieber’s wife. I’ll never forget that voicemail when you called your Irish daughter a thoughtless little pig. It has to be one of the worst things you can name your daughter – after Ireland, actually. That name, yes.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Kevin Hart
“No one works harder than this man. You know how every morning Kevin wakes up at 4 am to make a dirty movie? No, I like your movies. Or as I call them ‘short films.’ No, I’m kidding. I hate them. No, sorry, Kevin, I don’t mean to disrespect you, but you’re getting younger, man. Like, he’s a little boy. Kevin is 5’2”, 150 pounds. Um, 155 after finishing The Rock.” (Tom Brady’s toast)
Drew Bledsoe
“But let’s get to the reason we’re all here tonight. Uh, Drew Bledsoe. ‘Bleed so Tom can run.’ But I will leave you, just like your group did after you almost died.” (Tom Brady’s toast)
Tom Brady
“Tom Brady, five-time Super Bowl MVP, most career wins, most career touchdowns, has seven rings. … Well, eight now that Gisele got hers back, but … Tom, the only thing more ridiculous than saying yes to this roast was, ‘Hey, babe, you should try jujitsu.’” (Tom Brady’s toast)
“I mean he’s the best to play for a very long time. I mean … you retired, then you came back, then you retired again. I get it. It’s hard to walk away from something that isn’t your pregnant girlfriend. Hello. To be honest, she didn’t know she was pregnant. He just thought he was getting fat.” (Tom Brady’s toast)
Rob Gronkowski
“Tom also lost $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? Even Gronk was like, ‘I know that’s not real money.'” (Tom’s roast Brady)
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