All Eyes On RFK Jr. After Investigation Begins on Dolphin’s ‘Still-Dolphin’ Body

The mutilated carcass of a dolphin was found on a New Jersey beach last week, so naturally, the internet is now exploding with jokes about flop presidential candidate and MAGA reformer Robert F. Kennedy Jr. he was the one to blame.

If you remember, Kennedy’s poor political campaign was just one long series of scandals, many involving dead and mutilated animals. First he was accused of eating a dog. He then admitted that in 2014 he dumped the body of a bear in Central Park. At one point, he bragged about having a refrigerator full of road stuff in his house. Then in August, he was investigated by law after it emerged that he cut off the whale’s head with a chainsaw. Understandably, it’s the latest sighting of the dead, scaly internet beast that turns a suspicious eye on the Kennedy scion.

The Marine Mammal Stranding Center, a Jersey-based non-profit organization dedicated to the rescue, rehabilitation, and release of distressed marine animals and turtles, said in a press release Friday that the carcass of a “butchered” dolphin was found on the beach. Allenhurst, New Jersey.

“The meat of this animal was completely removed with clean cuts from a sharp knife, leaving the head, apron and bumps,” the statement read. “The animal’s organs, except for the heart and lungs, had been removed.”

The night before the animal was found, a live dolphin was spotted at a surf spot not far away, the MMSC said, while noting that it was not clear if it was the same animal. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Office of Law Enforcement is now investigating the death, MMSC said.

Those who wondered about a Jack-the-Ripper-type lunatic who stole the entrails of a marine mammal wasted no time pointing the finger (if only in jest) at RFK. Yeah, the tweets so far have been great: “Aw shit I didn’t realize RFK came to town,” said one smart-ass on X. Another person, who shared the story on the forum, said: “I’m guessing RFK Fr. filter the alibi already. ” But another poster quipped that Trump “officially lost the dolphin vote.”

There is a non-zero chance that this was RFK performing the dolphin sacrifice before the election pic.twitter.com/qL1roCqzMp

– Fifty Shades of Whey (@davenewworld_2) November 5, 2024

As far as we know, Kennedy had nothing to do with the dolphin’s death, although it would be nice if he released an alibi Friday night so we know for sure.

Overall, the MAGA verse does not have a good record when it comes to animal welfare. Sure, this past week, rightwingers have been expressing outrage over New York’s squirrel eviction, but the main reason for their anger seems to be government exploitation, not the welfare of the forest creature. No, for the most part, Trump’s allies seem to be hounded by strange allegations involving animals.

The story: Kevin Roberts, president of the Heritage Foundation (and, thus, one of the main supporters of the dystopian Project 2025) is accused of bragging about killing a dog with a shovel (Roberts denied this). In a forthcoming book, Roberts apparently complained that the existence of dog parks was an example of an “anti-family culture.” JD Vance, Trump’s running mate, has also been accused (mostly jokingly) of liking dolphin porn.

Of course, there is more at stake in the animal kingdom in this election than dog parks and dolphin porn. Trump, whose first administration was not particularly known for environmental stewardship, has allies who advocate repealing the Endangered Species Act. They also want to open up long-protected mining reserves and state lands for urban development. It is unlikely that the environment will benefit greatly if he is reinstated.